Chinese mothers, clash of the parenting styles (again!) and what this means for kids

I finally figured it out! My mother is Chinese! Not literally (mom is blond and blue-eyed and likes to cast judgment by looking down at her children over her pointy, up-turned caucasian nose) but, according to Amy Chua in her controversial WSJ article, Chinese Mothers are Superior, my mom fits the stereotype in a lot of ways.

Here's how Chua, author of Battle Hymm of the Tiger Mother, spells it out:

"A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:

• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin."

I can relate. Childhood was no fun. In between the piano lessons and grueling swim team workouts and extracurriculars, there was little time for eating and sleeping. My sisters and I were forced into activities, punished for grades below A- and brainwashed into thinking that these efforts had some sort of bearing on our future success and happiness.

“You’ll thank me later” mom used to say.

No, I won’t.

In theory, pushing your kids to do their best and not letting them quit and give up before they’ve had a chance to really excel makes sense. But here’s the thing: not everyone can be a winner. As a parent, if you accept nothing less than perfection, you’re either setting your kids up to be perfect (unlikely, since nobody is perfect) or insecure, neurotic and highly competitive (yep) or – rebellious and hateful. Nice choices!

Recently, Harvard researches put the theory to the test (see the recent CNN article, Want to Get Your Kid Into College? Let Them Play). What they found is that kids who are encouraged to play (encouraging emotional development) do much better in school than the children who focused on skill and academic development.

Whatever you call it – east versus western values; skills vs. social and emotional learning - it’s not new. Of course, I'm sure Chua’s article adds more fuel the Mommy War debate, which was getting a little stale anyway. MediaBistro just reported that the Chinese Mother article had already generated over 2,500 comments so there you go. When it comes to raising kids, everyone’s got an opinion.

As a consultant in the world of children’s and parenting media, I am aware of the challenges and concerns on both a professional and personal level. Recently, my daughter (a TV addict, a little on the heavy side, not doing any activities right now because I couldn’t get it together) asked me: “When I grow up, are you going to be mean to me like Grandma is mean to you?”

“No,” I replied, “and you’ll thank me later.” But I didn’t say that out loud.

Here’s what I think: there are a lot of really smart, really creative parents out there who are raising their kids in new and different ways, challenging stereotypes and redefining boundaries. We live in a time of intense scrutiny but also of tremendous opportunities. You can be a slacker mom. Or you can go free range. Eco chic. Zero-waste. The playing (er, battle) field is wide open. Knock yourselves out.

Your thoughts?

Lamest Year Yet for Kids Holiday Shopping

Presents!! Who wants presents? Everyone, right? All year long, my kids beg for stuff they see on TV, whine while I whisk them past the toy aisle at Target and pour through catalogs, circling their coveted items with red crayon. My canned response for 11 months out of the year has always been: “put it on your Christmas list.” Well, the time has come. What do they want to see under the tree? Not much.

It’s not they don’t want stuff, it’s just that there’s not much of anything that they are excited about. And as a parent and a children’s marketer, I have to agree. In terms of kids products, this just may be the lamest year yet.

I challenge you: name one hot toy for December 2010. The gotta-have item of the year. Something –anything-- that causes you to drive out of your way or engage in an online bidding war. The one thing that your child just can’t live without.

Yeah, I couldn’t think of anything either. Apparently, neither can my kids.

Back in October, the National Retail Federation issued their top 10 retail holiday trends, one of them being “Kids today are a walking contradiction” though they were referring more to Gen Y habits, not parental spending. Earlier, in July, an NPD study found that spending for young kids is on the decline. And the day before Black Friday, Kidscreen cited more NPD research on 2010 holiday trends.

"Among parents asked what's on their child's holiday wish list, 34% said toys, 15% answered video games, 9% said consumer electronics (with laptops and iPod Touch devices being the most popular), 7% said clothing and 6% answered sporting goods. Other noteworthy categories include footwear, gift cards, books, entertainment and cash.

Among toys, top categories are dolls, vehicles, building sets and arts & crafts. The Top 10 properties specifically coveted are American Girl, Barbie, Disney Princess, Dora the Explorer, LEGO, Pillow Pets, Star Wars, Toy Story 3, Transformers and Zhu Zhu Pets. Within the video game category, Wii and NDS hardware systems are the most requested items, along with the Xbox 360 Kinect."

See anything on that list that you A. haven't heard of before or B. Don't already have in your home?

I asked my kids again what they want for Christmas. The 8 year-old wants socks (socks!) and the 3 year-old wants a digger truck. At least in my house, ‘tis the season for for kids who want so little. In the midst of the chaos of the holidays and the lingering angst of the recession, I'm taking time to appreciate the simple gifts, mainly the intangible ones.

How about you- what's on your wish list?

Social media full circle miracle

Fifteen years ago, when my career was just getting off the ground (read: I had no idea what I was doing) I somehow landed a job at a sexy Internet start up, one of those destined-for-greatness, ultimately positioned to fail ventures buoyed by Microsoft stock options and guys under 30 with Really Great Ideas. I was assigned to spearhead the editorial efforts of FreeZone.com, "the world's first safe online community for kids and teens." We had an online magazine. We had games. We had a homepage builder. And we had a monitored chat. This is all back in 1995 - 2000, which I guess makes me a sort of an Internet Grandma, but whatever. I loved my job at the time and was passionate about creating a safe and fun destination for kids all over the world. But then we got bought and moved everything to Chicago and then we got sold again and I jumped ship to go to work for Fox Kids (only to get sold to Disney two years later). And then, inevitably, there was this:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
FREEZONE TO SAY FAREWELL
March 26, 2001

CHICAGO-- After five years of awards and accolades as the safest and most fun community for kids on the Internet, FreeZone.com (http://FreeZone.com) announced today that it is closing its doors. The final day of operation will be March 30, 2001.

I figured FreeZone and its mission were gone for good, along with the rest of the failed start ups of the 1990s. Maybe we were ahead of our time. Maybe we had the wrong business model. Maybe we just didn't "get it." But then I had other jobs - also in youth marketing and children's media - and found myself asking the same questions when ventures failed or changed direction. Is it possible to make money in the kid business and do the right thing at the same time? More importantly, do the children we're trying to serve even notice or care?

Last week, completely out of the blue, I received an e-mail, a social media full-circle moment if there ever was one:

Hello there,

I found your e-mail address on a couple of networking websites after looking up FreeZone (linkedin, scbwi), but this isn't a business related e-mail - instead I come to you just to send a simple thanks.

To give the creepiness of this e-mail some context, I was going through old boxes this weekend and came across a big one of letters when I was growing up and I had one from you. When you had your website, Freezone, operating I was a frequent (addicted is probably a better term) chatter there.

Even though it has been so many years since then, it really made an impact on me (both your letter, and my hours and hours of time in chat). I was a completely isolated kid and it was great to have a safe place to 'go'. I also met great people in the chat who I do continue to have periodic contact with after all these years. So, for whatever it may be worth to you now I wanted to extend again my thanks for really having an impact on who I am today even though we don't even know each other. I'm working towards doing things in my own career that I can only hope make the same kinds of difference.

All the best,
Crystal
(aka "Burn")

"Burn" and I have since corresponded via e-mail and we're now connected via the latest social media sites. She's 28!!! Which makes me feel very old - it's the same age that I was when I was running FreeZone. That time feels light years away yet fresh in my mind. Her note serves as a wonderful reminder that well-intentioned acts do make a difference, and that we have a tremendous responsibility as content providers and marketers in how we ultimately shape the lives of kids and teens who consume our products.

How is your children's media business impacting the lives of real kids? I'd love to hear your stories.

Preschool TV execs battle it out as kids watch way, WAY too much TV

According to Nielsen, the company that tracks television viewership, preschool children between the ages of 2 and 5 years old are watching an average of more than 32 hours of TV each week. This alone should cause a concern-- or at least a raised eyebrow or two, but I’ll get to that later.

The recent buzz has been about Disney’s new preschool channel, Disney Junior, which is scheduled to launch in 2012. According to last week’s article in the New York Times, Disney Junior to Focus on Social Values:

“Mothers want preschool television to be more about teaching children social skills and less about pushing clear academic goals – at least that’s what Disney executives say new internal research indicates. For decades, most preschool programming has been built around an educational curriculum, whether that is numbers and letters (“Sesame Street”), language skills (“Dora”) or even math (Nickelodeon’s “Team Umizoomi”). Disney’s “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” incorporates problem-solving and counting. The reasons for the educational focus vary, but the approach serves one major goal: reassuring mothers about plunking their wee ones in front of the TV screen.”

This has lead to a quasi turf war among television executives. Not over how much kids should watch (or when – data now suggests that parents are demanding kids programming not only during the morning hours but also during prime time and evening, from 5-11pm) but what kind of programming. According to the Wall Street Journal’s The Turf War for Tots

"Executives at Walt Disney Co., preparing their latest push for this audience, say that some TV for tots favors curriculum over storytelling. They argue that it's sometimes too much work, not enough play. They're offering themselves as an alternative to Nickelodeon's Nick Jr. channel, which emphasizes learning. Disney says that today's parents are ready for a change. In an age of video games and iPads, kids can learn their ABCs anywhere. What's missing are good, old-fashioned stories that kids can repeat to others, pretend to be the characters, and watch again and again."

And yet, a new study released by Seattle Children's Research Institute and the University of Washington demonstrates Preschoolers are Watching WAY too much TV. According to the MSNBC summary, "nearly 70 percent of the preschool-age children exceeded recommendations by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) for limiting screen exposure (including TV, DVDs, computers and video games) to one to two daily hours. The recommendation is based on research linking screen time with adverse effects, including language lags, obesity, possibly aggressive behaviors and decreased academic performance, according to study researcher Dr. Pooja Tandon of the Seattle Children's Research Institute and the University of Washington."

There are other options for those of you who aren’t convinced that the Disney/Nickelodeon/PBS Kids food chain is the only option out there. Full disclosure: these are my clients.

Ameba TV is a set top box company out of Winnipeg, Canada with a content library full of thousands commercial-free, educational shows geared towards kids 3-8. Parents control the content; kids get a customized remote. Ameba has plans to update their site to include a subscription-based streaming service. Soon, you will also be able to subscribe to Ameba via Roku, a digital media player.

The Mother Company, out of Los Angeles, is producing a series of DVDs based on social and emotional learning, with a gentle, stylish approach (think Mister Rogers, only the shows are lead by a delightful creative-inspiring host named Ruby). The company is run by a group of "mamas on a mission" who are driven by a passion to redefine screen time.

Dr. Tandon of Seattle Children's also offers tips for limiting screen time:

* Use DVDs or on-demand television, because when the show is over, it's over. "The problem with television is it keeps going," Tandon said. These media also eliminate advertisements, which tend to promote unhealthy foods, she added.
* Set rules for screen time early in children's lives.
* Turn off the TV during meal times.
* Take TVs out of bedrooms. (Tandon mentioned research suggesting a certain percentage of preschoolers have TVs in their rooms.)
* Watch television with kids, and discuss the shows and the messages put forth.

As we live in an increasingly media rich world, parents should be mindful of what their kids are watching, how much and when. How do you limit screen time in your home?

A lesson in educational children's content

One of my favorite people in the whole world is David Kleeman, President of the American Center for Media and Children (hi, David!) With over 25 years in children's media, the man knows his stuff. His column in this week's Huffington Post is so right on on so many levels. When it comes to "educational" children's media, it's a claim that we all want to embrace, yet it's too often become a term that is misinterpreted and even abused.

Says Kleeman: "The gap between producers' claims of educational efficacy and a consistent standard for assessing those claims, especially for preschool media, is today's primary battleground in children's media. Every parent wants their children's investment in screen time to be worthwhile, so producers are happy to say their TV, DVDs, websites, toys and software are intellectually enriching. Sometimes, those claims reflect deep and thoughtful work to infuse beneficial content into a developmentally-appropriate format. Sometimes, they're little more than bait for busy, guilty parents."

Did somebody say busy, guilty parents? Whoops, I digress.

At any rate, Kleeman suggests what I think is a brilliant idea: a list of ingredients! "Responsible producers would detail their vision of the target audience, the developmental or cognitive elements they intended to address, their philosophy of how best to teach them, and how those elements are expressed in their creative approach. Parents could then evaluate whether the focus suits their child's specific needs, interests and abilities; whether the interface and presentation sound engaging and match their values; and whether the technology is worth the investment."

Honestly, I couldn't agree more. What do you think?